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education
February 8, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Let the children learn to argue from you

Even though it is a vital skill to have the ability to discuss without getting out of control or personalizing the issue in life, most parents do not teach this essential issue to their children. Most parents think that the “safety” of the home environment means a space free of discussion! For this reason, they prevent fights between themselves and their spouses, as well as siblings, and they constantly teach them that if they disagree with someone, it is better to keep their mouth shut or try to resolve the existing differences with others. , dedicated to behind closed doors. Whereas, if children do not face conflict, discussion and challenge, their emotional intelligence will drop drastically.

 

Children should understand the value of discussion that is formed from thinking. So teach them that disagreeing is never disrespectful. Teach them that if they remain silent in the face of other people’s opinions, they are actually taking away the right to have a civilized conversation from the other side and disrespecting their own opinion and voice. Teach them that challenging the other party’s idea means giving importance to the other party, and this is nothing but respect.

By observing the discussion between their parents, children learn that they can have their own way of thinking, they realize that the exclusive privilege of reality is not in the hands of any authority. They learn to increase their tolerance for ambiguity and do not stop thinking until the truth is confirmed. They learn to rely on their own independent judgment instead of blindly following the opinions of others.


If we rarely face conflict, we learn to run away as soon as we smell a threat. At the same time, watching the discussion and participating in it helps us grow thicker skin, gain the will to fight against difficult challenges and overcome them, and learn to face the challenges of tomorrow if we lose the battle today. Do not miss
In addition, if no one ever expresses their opposition, neither the old ways and habits will be discarded, nor will anyone be willing to try a new solution. The skill of expressing differences of opinion is the antidote to being swayed and influenced by the collective opinion. Our imagination is at its strongest when we go against the flow, and there is no better time to learn this skill than in childhood.


A research that was conducted on children between the ages of 5 and 7 for three years, the results of this research showed that children whose parents know how to properly manage a disagreement and have a purposeful discussion are more emotionally secure, and these children show more empathy and attention. They showed themselves to others and in school, they were more friendly with their classmates.

Never forget this sentence; Creativity flourishes in a tense but safe environment. Safe means a family that may stumble along the way, but will never fall apart! If children do not learn to stumble, they will never walk; rather, they stand motionless until the end for fear of falling down. So instead of avoiding discussion or hiding it, learn to discuss healthy and pass it on to your children. Start with these four rules:

  1. See arguing as just a disagreement, not as a subversive conflict
  2. Argue as if you are right and listen as if you are wrong.
  3. Have the most respectful interpretation possible about your other party’s point of view.
  4. Embrace the parts you agree with and the things you learned from the discussion.

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education
February 6, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

How can I be successful in my career and be a good mother for my child?

Most working mothers have the same conflict, they are trying to balance work and being a good mother. But let me tell you my opinion frankly, it is not possible to be an outstanding professional and at the same time, to be a high-quality mother, but this fact never means that if you have a child, you should cut the line around your job. It is clear that women have the right and can be ambitious and only value their career progress.

Independent women with these personality traits, if they leave their jobs for the sake of their children, it seems that a part of their being will be void forever. But this choice, naturally and definitely, will mean losing the time that they could spend with their children, which is no longer possible due to working. Therefore, you cannot be at the same time going through the steps of progress in your career and have a continuous presence with your child. For this reason, trying to establish a balance between career advancement and motherhood often causes you to feel a lot of shame and guilt; But anyway, these painful experiences are the cost and consequence of your decision! You have to be able to deal with it somehow.

But if you are wondering whether your decision to give priority to your career can hurt your children or not, I must say that they will definitely notice the difference between you and the mothers of their peers and the behaviors that are usually established in society. Maybe one day other children will be thankful that their mother used to cook delicious food for them while writing essays and was always by their side; But your child will definitely appreciate you one day for your unusual, different and disruptive model, as well as your independence and financial achievements.

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educationpsychological
February 2, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Children’s impoliteness and rude behavior can often be a good sign

These days, the relationship of most parents with their children is significantly different from the parent-child relationship of the past decades; The changes that are said to be in the direction of child-centered parenting and, of course, provoked the criticism of many parents who do not give orders, do not punish their children and prefer to enter into a conversation with them; Because they believe that the children of this generation are selfish, rude, spoiled and rude! But in my opinion, these changes, even these words and behaviors that seem impolite, are a good sign; Because it shows that these children feel safe with their parents and trust their love and support, and this feeling of security is actually showing itself in boldness, determination, reasoning and expression of opinion, you will understand what I mean better in the following.

The reason why the child, without exception, always behaves respectfully and obeys his parents unconditionally, is not only the child’s politeness, but also indicates the great fear and terror in him. Authoritarian parents raise submissive and obedient children, polite and strictly ironed, bound to the framework! These polite, companionable, oppressed and free-spirited children are constantly involved in the judgment of others as adults, they are all afraid that others will judge them badly, they constantly need approval and credit from others. These children hate their parents and their ability to regulate and manage their emotions is extremely low!

Interestingly, parents who imagine themselves as a commander, their child as a soldier, and the home environment as a barracks, would very much like their child to be raised independently so that they can take care of themselves in the future, under the burden of force. Don’t know and have the ability to think creatively and outside the framework; Unfortunately, their upbringing method has the opposite effect and when these children leave the barracks of their homes and enter the society, they do not know how to stand on their own, think alone and make decisions for their lives. In other words, maybe in the short term, your child may seem more polite and well-behaved, but don’t doubt that this child has suffered a lot of damage, which will cause him to experience a lot of suffering in the future in facing the challenges of his life.

Therefore, if you want to raise a child who knows himself correctly and believes in his abilities, you must treat him with respect from the very beginning of his childhood and show him that his opinions and beliefs are important to you, even if they are different from yours. OK. But this respect doesn’t mean that you don’t define any rules, limits or frameworks for children and be very easy-going.

Parenting that is too easy, just like the authoritarian method, causes a lot of damage to children and leads to self-centeredness and selfishness of that child. Children should learn that their behavior has consequences, that is, what exactly should be done? You should be able to explain your expectations to the children with reason and logic, set specific limits and boundaries for them so that they know that after a mutual agreement, there will be no room for arguments. For example, in relation to the use of a tablet, explain to him the reasons for your opposition to continuous use of this device and finally clearly inform him how much and at what time of the day he can use it and under no legal conditions that have been announced. He did not see the change.

In other words, you need a balanced approach to raising healthy children; In the sense that, while setting limits, be willing to negotiate rationally, listen to their words and arguments, give credit to their emotions, and treat them in a sincere, warm and respectful manner.

In this way, your children will no longer be afraid of challenging and questioning your opinions and rules, they will safely go to discover the world and face its challenges, they will create a unique identity and they will be the ones who hear words from them that maybe others, Interpret it as being rude or arrogant; But the child who stares straight into his grandfather’s eyes and says “You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full” actually feels safe; Because he knows that no matter what, even if he makes a mistake, he is still loved and accepted by his parents.

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educationpsychological
January 15, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Punishment cannot change bad behavior

Punishment is not effective in changing children, why? Because by punishing, you only prevent the child from doing something destructive, but you don’t teach him what to do and how to do it! Of course, it is not the case that punishment is useless. By punishing, you can prevent a destructive behavior in your child, but after a few hours or days, that destructive behavior returns and you have no choice but to increase the severity of your punishment so that you can prevent that behavior this time. This damn cycle continues.

Pay attention here, please: the habit of punishment is a common phenomenon, I mean, if you can prevent a behavior for two days with punishment, the next time, with that punishment, you can only prevent that behavior for two hours. . Because as the severity of your punishment increases, the intensity of “resistance to change” in that child also increases. It’s not like you punish and the child will come to his senses, no, it can get to a point where immediately after you punish him, that behavior will be more severe. This is why they say that punishment may not improve the child’s behavior, but it can definitely make the parent’s behavior worse!

Punishment can do another damage to children, how? Children should masterfully learn to attract their parents’ attention through punishment. Pay attention here, please: “When you hit your brother, wherever I am in the house, my attention is drawn to your behavior, so next time if you want to draw my attention, try to hit your brother. In this case, I will immediately find my head and come to you, okay? Oh, let me just say this and go: Dear parents, when you punish your child, you are actually teaching him to be tough in the face of life’s challenges. You are teaching him to scream, yell, hit and be angry, so if your child reacts violently when he fails, don’t take it too far!

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