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psychological
February 7, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Your young children will completely understand your depression

Depression in parents is not a new problem, but its prevalence has quadrupled due to the conditions caused by Corona! This disorder, depending on its persistence and severity, creates risks for your children, why? Because the symptoms of depression, such as fatigue, irritability, low concentration, lack of interest and lack of motivation towards daily activities, do not allow to take care of parenting duties and to interact continuously and patiently with children.


Nevertheless, if you see the symptoms of depression in yourself, there is no reason to be ashamed of them, in fact, the feeling of shame is one of the important problems that make the recovery process difficult; because it creates an obstacle in the way of asking for help. At the same time, getting help from a specialist is the most useful thing that any depressed parent can do for their child. So don’t try to hide your condition.

It is very difficult for children to understand the conditions that arise as a result of depression; This issue increases the importance of clear communication between parents and children. Children understand that there is something wrong with the work! For this reason, if someone does not explain the situation to them, they interpret the situation as worse than what it really is. Worse than that, they blame themselves for their mother’s or father’s depression.

Also, avoiding talking about mental health issues sends the message to kids that these topics are taboo and should never be talked about! While, one of the most important measures to prevent the development of psychological problems in children and adolescents is to provide a space where they can express themselves and share the feelings they experience with their parents with a feeling of peace and comfort. So instead of avoiding this conversation, your method should be an honest conversation appropriate to your child’s age; A five-year-old child does not understand the concept of depression, but he understands emotions such as sadness or physical diseases such as stomach ache; So, by explaining the topic, using simple words and relevant examples, you can inform them as much as you need about your situation.

Remember, by explaining the steps you took to manage the situation, show them that depression will improve with proper treatment and that the situation is under your control. Of course, being under control does not mean that the problem is solved; But it shows that a detailed plan for improvement is underway. For example, if you are suffering from postpartum depression after the birth of your second child, stop saying casual statements like “No, mom is not sad, she is just tired” and replace these words with: “Mom has a disease that causes Sometimes he gets sad, but he is going to the doctor to help him get better; Like you who take medicine to heal your pain, my doctor also gave me medicine that makes things better.”


And here is the important point: be careful not to fall off the canvas when giving information to children; Children, whatever their age, are not supposed to take on the role of your therapist and psychiatrist, to be aware of all your sadness and fears, or to take care of you. They just need to be aware of what is happening around them so that they don’t suffer from fear and self-blame; all your sentences should be aimed at presenting a message that touches the hearts of children, respecting this limit is very important! Because children are not responsible for taking care of their parents.

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psychological
February 6, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Can children’s lying be a concern?

Almost all children, in all cultures, begin to lie by the age of seven, with the aim of strengthening their brain’s abilities. Therefore, this issue is not alarming or indicates that your child will become a thief and delinquent in the future. Children’s motivation to lie is generally things like avoiding punishment and blame, showing themselves better or making others feel good. But if this lying, in children under seven years of age, is accompanied by aggressive behavior, humiliation of others and resistance to requests, make sure to prioritize referring to a child psychologist. Now, for a better understanding of the issue and to understand the correct way of dealing with this behavior, please read the rest of the article.

Do not overreact and control your anger. Blame and punishment do not work at all in this situation; because it increases the child’s guilt and fear of you, and this itself leads to an increase in lying behavior. Point out to Josh, completely neutral, the inconsistencies in his story. For example, if your child claims that he has not eaten chocolate while his whole face is covered with chocolate traces; Tell him: “How strange, but there are chocolates stuck around your mouth, how do you think these chocolates got to your mouth?” Let’s go in front of the mirror and take a look at your face.” But if your child has an anxious mood and you are likely to be scared by hearing the same questioning way, use sentences like this: “I want to know the truth about the story of chocolates, so let’s discover it together.”

A very important point is to discover the cause and motive of lying. For example, if your child tells his teacher that his parents died; be sure to ask him for an explanation in a suitable situation and try to find the main motivation among the explanations you hear and then teach your child to give healthier reactions and answers to his problems. In fact, this event is a very good opportunity to work on the skills of acceptance and management of unpleasant emotions with your child so that in the future, he will have a more equipped toolbox to face his problems.

According to numerous researches and experiments conducted in this field, praising honesty is much more effective than punishing lies. For example, in a study conducted in 2018, researchers told classic stories about honesty to children between the ages of 3 and 7 to check whether the type of story can inspire children to choose honesty.

Finally, the only story that encouraged the children to tell the truth was the story that after the child confesses the truth, his father forgives and encourages him for telling the truth. On the other hand, hearing that the liar’s nose gets longer and at the end of the story, he becomes a prey to wolves, did not have such an effect. Therefore, in situations where the child is being honest, be sure to encourage him.

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educationpsychological
February 2, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Children’s impoliteness and rude behavior can often be a good sign

These days, the relationship of most parents with their children is significantly different from the parent-child relationship of the past decades; The changes that are said to be in the direction of child-centered parenting and, of course, provoked the criticism of many parents who do not give orders, do not punish their children and prefer to enter into a conversation with them; Because they believe that the children of this generation are selfish, rude, spoiled and rude! But in my opinion, these changes, even these words and behaviors that seem impolite, are a good sign; Because it shows that these children feel safe with their parents and trust their love and support, and this feeling of security is actually showing itself in boldness, determination, reasoning and expression of opinion, you will understand what I mean better in the following.

The reason why the child, without exception, always behaves respectfully and obeys his parents unconditionally, is not only the child’s politeness, but also indicates the great fear and terror in him. Authoritarian parents raise submissive and obedient children, polite and strictly ironed, bound to the framework! These polite, companionable, oppressed and free-spirited children are constantly involved in the judgment of others as adults, they are all afraid that others will judge them badly, they constantly need approval and credit from others. These children hate their parents and their ability to regulate and manage their emotions is extremely low!

Interestingly, parents who imagine themselves as a commander, their child as a soldier, and the home environment as a barracks, would very much like their child to be raised independently so that they can take care of themselves in the future, under the burden of force. Don’t know and have the ability to think creatively and outside the framework; Unfortunately, their upbringing method has the opposite effect and when these children leave the barracks of their homes and enter the society, they do not know how to stand on their own, think alone and make decisions for their lives. In other words, maybe in the short term, your child may seem more polite and well-behaved, but don’t doubt that this child has suffered a lot of damage, which will cause him to experience a lot of suffering in the future in facing the challenges of his life.

Therefore, if you want to raise a child who knows himself correctly and believes in his abilities, you must treat him with respect from the very beginning of his childhood and show him that his opinions and beliefs are important to you, even if they are different from yours. OK. But this respect doesn’t mean that you don’t define any rules, limits or frameworks for children and be very easy-going.

Parenting that is too easy, just like the authoritarian method, causes a lot of damage to children and leads to self-centeredness and selfishness of that child. Children should learn that their behavior has consequences, that is, what exactly should be done? You should be able to explain your expectations to the children with reason and logic, set specific limits and boundaries for them so that they know that after a mutual agreement, there will be no room for arguments. For example, in relation to the use of a tablet, explain to him the reasons for your opposition to continuous use of this device and finally clearly inform him how much and at what time of the day he can use it and under no legal conditions that have been announced. He did not see the change.

In other words, you need a balanced approach to raising healthy children; In the sense that, while setting limits, be willing to negotiate rationally, listen to their words and arguments, give credit to their emotions, and treat them in a sincere, warm and respectful manner.

In this way, your children will no longer be afraid of challenging and questioning your opinions and rules, they will safely go to discover the world and face its challenges, they will create a unique identity and they will be the ones who hear words from them that maybe others, Interpret it as being rude or arrogant; But the child who stares straight into his grandfather’s eyes and says “You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full” actually feels safe; Because he knows that no matter what, even if he makes a mistake, he is still loved and accepted by his parents.

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educationpsychological
January 15, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

Punishment cannot change bad behavior

Punishment is not effective in changing children, why? Because by punishing, you only prevent the child from doing something destructive, but you don’t teach him what to do and how to do it! Of course, it is not the case that punishment is useless. By punishing, you can prevent a destructive behavior in your child, but after a few hours or days, that destructive behavior returns and you have no choice but to increase the severity of your punishment so that you can prevent that behavior this time. This damn cycle continues.

Pay attention here, please: the habit of punishment is a common phenomenon, I mean, if you can prevent a behavior for two days with punishment, the next time, with that punishment, you can only prevent that behavior for two hours. . Because as the severity of your punishment increases, the intensity of “resistance to change” in that child also increases. It’s not like you punish and the child will come to his senses, no, it can get to a point where immediately after you punish him, that behavior will be more severe. This is why they say that punishment may not improve the child’s behavior, but it can definitely make the parent’s behavior worse!

Punishment can do another damage to children, how? Children should masterfully learn to attract their parents’ attention through punishment. Pay attention here, please: “When you hit your brother, wherever I am in the house, my attention is drawn to your behavior, so next time if you want to draw my attention, try to hit your brother. In this case, I will immediately find my head and come to you, okay? Oh, let me just say this and go: Dear parents, when you punish your child, you are actually teaching him to be tough in the face of life’s challenges. You are teaching him to scream, yell, hit and be angry, so if your child reacts violently when he fails, don’t take it too far!

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psychological
January 15, 2023 by setaregan 0 Comments

How to deal with a shy child

Each and every one of you should know that the most wrong way to deal with shy children is to ask them to put aside their shyness, to speak with authority or to put them in action to force them to come out of their safe place and be in front of others. Make an appointment such rude interactions can greatly increase children’s anxiety and thus increase their shyness. Such behaviors can make the child more withdrawn than before and afraid of the adults around him. This fear may even become so intense that the child unconsciously and in order to escape from anxiety-provoking environments, has obvious physical symptoms, such as stomach pain, diarrhea, eczema or headache.

But on the other hand, if you allow these children to experience the feeling of security in their own way or if you give them time to get used to the situation around them and feel comfortable, eventually their shyness will disappear. In other words, with the support and understanding of parents, even the most shy children can become more eager to experience new situations over time.

In fact, you just have to be there for them to figure out a way to manage their situation. That is, instead of being forced to do something, it is better for them to make decisions themselves, to prepare the space for socializing, to practice by themselves and then, if they want, to face new conditions.

It is better to consider that if this trait does not disturb your child’s performance in school, there is nothing to worry about, and even if a child gets into trouble in the school environment because of his shyness, his shyness is still not the main problem, but it shows that the school environment And teachers’ attitude needs to change and they should try to be more accepting.

Indeed, these children have the ability to become very capable managers in the future. How’re you? Well, because their management style is completely different; According to research, these people, because they understand the feeling of being left out, pay more attention to their employees’ opinions, monitor their own actions more carefully, and encourage their team members to contribute more. In fact, shy managers spend less selfishness in managing their business, and this way of collaborative management and encouraging cooperation among members has a significant impact on their progress. So it’s time to change your attitude towards shyness in children.

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